As my mother's dementia worsened I realized I no longer had the mother I thought I would have as I grew older. I expected my mom would be there to help me through difficult situations. To give me the answers I needed or to be the sounding board when I needed to vent. I expected my mother to be there with me to enjoy my grandchildren, but now she has trouble remembering their names.
When I look into her blue eyes that once shined with life I see a shell. Her eyes are glazed over and now look at me with questions and doesn't understand why she needs to take another shower. In her mind she already took one for the day when in fact she didn't.
I need her to tell me the story of my birth on my birthday like she did every day before the horrible illness took her memory. She use to call me and sing happy birthday to me, but those days have long gone. She very rarely calls me anymore.
This daughter's heart is broken. I now take care of my mother like I took care of my toddler children. My mother needs me and she doesn't even realize it. She doesn't realize how much I need her to be the mom I imagined.
My mother was once filled with energy and determination to give her kids all that she could so they would have a good life.
This disease that is called "the long good-bye" has taken my mother. In many ways it's worse than cancer, because of how it takes the precious memories and leaves a breathing shell.
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